New Address: Timbuktu, MARS

Does it seem strange to you that we could fly farther and faster 50 years ago than we can now? I sure will be glad when our space program gets some spaceships again. It seems kind of strange that we can have a space program, and yet not have any vehicles that actually travel in space.

I think that if I ever move to Mars I’d like to settle in Timbuktu (if you’re curious it is located at 5.7°S 37.6°W on that dusty red ball — drop by and see me sometime!); What would be really cool is if we had a launch site here in Timbuktu West Africa that connected to Timbuktu, Bramblitt province Mars. Bramblitt province? Well, as long as we’re dreaming…

We need to work on some of these names though — who is ever going to want to live in a place called Wink? It is by far too cute of a name, the same goes for Tooting, and Poti is right out (These places actually exist there!); no, no, no… whenever you go to all of the trouble to hop from one planet to another you want to arrive at a destination whose name matches the distinction and magnitude of such a trip. Imagine screaming through space (of course there is no sound in space, but I prefer the Star Wars mindset where spaceships roar and explosions actually sound like explosions — I know it is wrong… but it feels so right), and being able to say that you crossed all that empty space and then landed in Orson Welles. Awesome, for so many weird reasons.

We need to figure something out quick though because if the government gets wind that it can have billion-dollar programs with guys just sitting around talking about  about the good old days, and what they would like to do then we could be in for some trouble.

It sounds like something the guys in Washington would do on a dare, “Hrummph.. Hrummph.. Hrummph.. Hmm.. Hey Tom, I bet you can’t get the public to go along with a space program that can’t actually go into space.. Hrummph.. Hrummph..”.

“Hrummph.. Hrummph.. I bet I can! Hrummph”

You can almost hear the gear spinning in the bureaucrats minds now, “I can’t believe that actually worked! Well, hmmm I bet the Coast Guard and Navy could get by with just some waders and rape whistles, and if we just handled up on hoses at the Home Depot we wouldn’t really need all those firetrucks we have just littering up the country now would we? … Hrummph.”

I can’t believe we have actually taken the space part out of the ‘space program’; is it just me or isn’t that the weirdest thing you’ve heard in a while? When I was a kid there was serious talk about us landing on Mars by now, but at this rate Ralph Kramden has a better chance of sending Alice to the moon than we do.

I’m really looking forward to seeing what NASA comes up with; whatever it looks like I’m sure it is going to sound great in outer space.