You Want to Pierce What? or Alternative Ways to Become Holy

    

 Real Conversations    

The scene: Jacqi and I are in the car either on the way to or from a taco joint – I can’t remember which, but I do know two things: 1. Tacos are delicious. 2. Tacos have nothing to do with this story.     

           “You know what I think I’m going to do as a reward when I meet my exercise goals?” Jacqi aks me.     

           “I have no idea,” I say being completely honest. Jacqi is a complete mystery to me, and in a moment you too will see just how deep this mystery goes.     

           “I want to get some intradermal piercings that go up my wrist; every time I meet a goal I’ll get a new piercing, and add to the design.”     

           “What’s an intradermal piercing?” I ask already wincing in anticipation of the answer.     

           “It is a type of surface piercing,” she says.     

           <a note for those that aren’t familiar with surface piercings; it is just like a normal piercing that goes through the ear except that these are done on flat surfaces like chests, arms and the like. The body doesn’t like having metal spikes driven into it, and will actually push it out of the body. Ejecting the steel in an angry fit of integumentary rage at the scorching speed of up to an entire millimeter every month or so. In this petulant fury, your body resembles nothing less than a 6 year old child deprived of his Sponge Bob and forced to watch classic cartoons instead, and can retaliate by creating a crusty weeping sore around the puncture site. The body is just one big sexy mystery.>     

           “Doesn’t the body reject that type of piercing?” I ask involuntarily shuddering – I’m a little bit of a needle-phobic.     

           “Yeah, but with this new kind they actually take a small plug of skin out of your arm, and then the base of the jewelry anchors down in the hole like the contraption that you would hang a picture on the wall with.”     

           “Let me see if I understand, they make a hole in your arm, and then put a small made for people version of a wall anchor, sort of like like what you might get from Home Depot, that spreads prongs out to anchor it in?” I could just imagine the metal feet of the device snaking its tendrils out, and unfolding beneath the skin, “That sounds – better,” I say.     

           “I’m not sure how it anchors exactly, but with these new ones once they are in they pretty much stay in,” she says.     

           “Right, and if you do well with the diet and exercise then you get to have this. I  mean it’s a reward for getting healthier – So, if I eat a donut is that enough to keep this from ever happening to me?”     

           “The coolest thing though is that you can screw whatever jewelry you want right into the post; so it is easy to accessorize”     

    I sit and think about that for a moment, “Have you ever considered a hat?”     

Note: The previous text is verbatim; except for the areas where I may have edited it to make me sound better or to cast myself in a more positive light in any way. Also, my memory tends to work better on the things that I want to remember, and in the way that I want to remember them – it just sort of drops the rest. In this my mind is both unreliable and awesome.